For someone who doesn't like change...

I sure do change my mind... A LOT.

The more I think about it, the more I can't seem to get it right. Am I making the right decision for ME? Or am I doing it, once again, for other people? It's such a catch 22 really... You go to school to get a degree and essentially make more money... but in order to make it through those years, you have to be broke. Dead broke. Or, you can go to work and choose not to finish higher education, make a lot of money straight away, and then watch your life pass you by as people with degrees get better promotions than you. Ahh... how life would be so much simpler if I had "rich parents" like many of my friends.

I just can't seem to shake it. As much as I hate school, I equally love it just as much. I hate driving 45 minutes there and back two days a week only to sit at home the other 5 days worrying about school. I hate sitting in boring classes non stop. I hate going and going and going until infinity only to discover that what you have been working for is going to cause you another 913 days of agony until you have a degree in hand. 26 classes. 78 credit hours. It just sucks to look at that number. As I sit here writing this in my KSU shirt, I think about all the possibilities yet again... and I reminisce. Brisk fall days sitting outside with my laptop. Learning about interesting subjects... well actually, just learning period. That intrigues me. Writing papers. Yes. I said it. I enjoy writing papers. But that is because it is something I am passionate about.

Yeah, I am passionate about reading. And that is what I would be surrounded with in this potential job. But where can I go after that. What if 10 years down the road I am so far in over my head all I can do is look back and scream "What if?!?" I don't want to live in regret for the rest of my life. And I want to better myself. I want to be the best ME I can be. But I would also hate to know that I made the wrong decision.

It is time for me to jump off of one side of the cliff or another. Both sides contain paths that will lead me on my way. On one side is a paradise. Beautiful beaches, rolling hills, large white clouds surrounding a summer sunset that would take your breath away. But on the other side there are nothing but rocks. Sharp, steep, rocks for miles. A road that will be long and grueling with no relief. There is no looking back. Once I jump, that's it.

And all I can do is remain here standing, heart pounding, completely breathless, wondering what will happen once I step forward.